What He Said

 Economic Stimulus Payment

Sometime this year, we taxpayers will again receive another “Economic Stimulus” payment.

 

This is indeed a very exciting program, and I’ll explain it by using a Q&A format:

 

Q.    What is an “Economic Stimulus” payment?

A.     It is money that the Federal government will send to taxpayers.

 

Q.    Where will the government get this money?

A.     From taxpayers.

 

Q.    So the government is giving me back my own money?

A.     Only a smidgen of it.

 

Q.    What is the purpose of this payment?

A.     The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high definition TV, thus stimulating the economy.

Q.    But isn’t that stimulating the economy of China?

A.     Shut Up.

 

Below is some advice on how to best help the US economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:

 

• ·       If you spend the stimulus money at Walmart, the money will go to China or Sri Lanka.

 

• ·       If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to the Arabs.

 

• ·       If you purchase a computer, it will go to India, Taiwan or China.

 

• ·       If you purchase fruits and vegetables, it will go to Mexico, Honduras or Guatemala.

 

• ·       If you buy an efficient car it will go to Japan or Korea.

 

• ·       If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan.

• 
  
• ·       If you pay your credit cards off, or buy stock, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.

 

Instead, keep the money in America by:

 

• ·       Spending it at yard sales, or
• ·       Going to ball games, or
• ·       Spending it on prostitutes, or
• ·       Beer (American owned beer companies only), or
• ·       Tattoos

 

These are the only American Businesses still operating in the US